im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
