Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
