and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
