I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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