I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Randomize
