At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
