Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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