There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
