Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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