Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
