C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
