The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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