The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
