you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
