Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
