i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
