If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
