apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
