I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
