He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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