I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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