But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
