i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
