STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
