I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
