It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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