This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
