What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
