I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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