So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
