Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
