first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
