I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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