My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
