I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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