Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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