So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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