If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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