3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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