i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
