Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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