Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
