We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
