After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
