I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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