Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is the prime rib incident all over again
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
