she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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