I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
