I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
