6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
