I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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