my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
