At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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