He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
