i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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