i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All the doctor said was why
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
