I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
