def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
