her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
