She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
