Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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